Why do you want to get married so desperately?

wedding

This is a question I always get tempted to ask some of my friends but I have never really found a way to say it out loud in a much nicer way…if there is anything like that. However, there is another important question I think people forget to ask; why get married at all?

For the latter question, there are well coloured responses like; procreation, sense of belonging, companionship, a show of real love and many other such reasons. I believe it is this group of reasons that hold (to a certain extent) valid reasons as to why one should start panicking when they reach a certain age and are still not married. However, there is another set of factors that people are not so proud to say out loud but they have put these reasons at the top of their list so much that they would do anything just to have someone they can call husband or wife.

One of these reasons is simply that, ‘everyone in my circle of friends or age group is getting married.’ This embarrassing reason is coupled with pressure from friends and relatives who question you for still being unmarried when you have reached or passed the ‘right age’ for marriage. To hell with falling in love or being emotionally ready for such a huge commitment, they are simply informing you in a round-about way that something is wrong with you!

Sad to say but women tend to feel the pressure more than men. They have two battles to fight – nature and society, and it leaves them paranoid to the bone! Even before a guy officially asks you out on a date you are already picking out colours for the wedding theme and what you will wear for the kitchen party. Some women become so wrapped up in their need for marriage that they have no patience for a prospective suitor who isn’t yet financially stable or feels uncomfortable talking about the number of kids he wishes to have on the first date. It is this rush that forces them not to see the potential in a person that could have probably made for a great spouse in future.

Another reason why some people are in desperate need of marriage is financial dependence. Some time back this used to be mostly a problem for women but these days, there is a certain class of men that have convinced themselves too that getting married to a financially independent woman means that they don’t have to hustle for money at all. I cannot even begin to stress the disadvantages of such an arrangement. Unfortunately, I have seen women throw themselves at men that are financially stable and have ignored all other aspects of their personalities or habits. They choose to spend the rest of their lives at the mercy of someone who will not by any means empower them but leave them financially dependent forever. Whether happy or unhappy, such people will stay in the marriage simply because they cannot imagine going back to their old lives.

For some men, it’s when they leave home and start living on their own that they become desperate for marriage. Companionship might not even be on the list, but the need to have a multi-purpose machine that can cook, clean, as well as provide sexual pleasure is all that matters. These kinds of men think that maids are expensive, but they always get shocked when they discover the true cost of marriage. A man that isn’t emotionally ready for marriage but still does so simply because he needs a maid with benefits is exactly the type of man that makes for a terrible husband…and an unhappy woman.

There are too many people out there that are married and miserable but they can’t get out because they fear judgement from society or having to start all over again with some other stranger who might just turn out to be an exact replica of the devil they are already married to. The truth is that it’s very possible that you might be very happy being single. I sincerely believe that there are genuinely happy single people out there. In this modern world, there are so many things one can do to keep from being lonely. Now, I am not saying that there is an absolute substitute for human companionship; I am simply saying that some things can wait.

The kind of loneliness you are likely to feel married to someone that you don’t really love or doesn’t really love you back is on a much greater scale than if you were lonely all by yourself. Forget all that stuff about crying in a Benz compared to crying on a bicycle; eventually you will need to get off. The question is, where will your feet land?

What some people might not realise is that the only reason they think they need to get married is because of pressure around them and the need to live according to society’s expectations. However, once you sign that paper that binds you to someone else forever, those people that caused you to get into that situation will not be there to help curb your problems when they occur.

I don’t know about other cultures but if you are an African woman, it’s better to stop admiring or envying the life of your married friends on social media. As women, we are trained from a very tender age to never broadcast our marital trials to the public. Therefore, what is seen on social media or on the outside is never the whole picture; that’s simply the cover page. Granted, marriage is very good, I should know…so far I have experienced the good way more than the bad but this is probably because I married out of love…and I believe that both of us were mentally ready at that time to make such a commitment and stick to it.

There is no harm in being single and waiting for the right time or ‘right person.’

Only give in to pressure if it’s possible to hold all those pressuring you accountable when the time comes.

Unhappy marriages can lead to unhappy people, unhappy children, and a society filled with unhappy people. The ultimate result of this is exactly what we see in society today; people constantly shooting each other or plotting to murder one another.

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5 thoughts on “Why do you want to get married so desperately?”

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  2. Anisha, what can I say? You have nailed the coffin on its head and how I wish many can read this masterpiece. Well whispered, “Sad to say but women tend to feel the pressure more than men. They have two battles to fight – nature and society, and it leaves them paranoid to the bone!
    Good caution: “I don’t know about other cultures but if you are an African woman, it’s better to stop admiring or envying the life of your married friends on social media.”

    How I wish this came in before I finished writing my dissertation, because I dealt with issue of marriage.

    All I can say is, “THANK YOU!” Time well spent on writing and thinking. I hope many can learn from this masterpiece. Now we need to get a page in some local paper that you be featuring every week.

    Perpetual reader,
    Tembo Michael.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. well written sisy.Thanks for bringing that out and i hope many will get to read and probably change their minds.We care too much about people’s talks and forget ourselves.I always say that people will always talk but its up to us to do what is right for me as an individual.Keep posting them .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sis for taking the time to read. I hope some of my friends that are in panic mode can relax a bit. I have seen it for myself, people never stop talking and interfering but it’s funny how they are never there when they are really needed.

      Like

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