The Women Only Club – Chapter One

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Thirty year old Linda was watching Tv with the rest of her family in the living room when she received a notification on her phone. Gladly welcoming the disturbance, anything to keep her busy instead of being stuck at home to be subjected to the ceremonial Sunday Afternoon Family movie.

She quickly picked up her phone and checked her screen.

“Oh no!” She jumped from her chair in excitement, her hand over her mouth.

She had been anxiously waiting for that email for weeks.

“What?” her mother asked, everyone else in the room starring at her. “Did someone die?”

“Aaaarh,” Linda said, not sure what to say. She had not meant to scream or attract everyone’s attention. The last thing she needed was her family all up in this kind of business.

“It’s nothing,” Linda said. “I just received an email from an old friend.”

There was a chorus of complaints from her parents and three younger siblings. They did not take kindly to being disturbed like that.

“You even made me pause the movie!” Seventeen year old Justin complained and proceeded to resume the movie.

“You’ve watched The God’s Must be Crazy for over a hundred times already,” Linda reminded the group which had already turned their attention back to the screen.

“I do hope for your sake that that’s a man texting you,” her father remarked but not turning to look at her. “I need a return on my investments you know. I am tired of waiting.”

Linda contemplated retorting like she always did but she had a much more pressing matter to attend to instead of reenacting the same old conversation with her parents.

She was content being thirty and single. She was not in desperate need of a man. How many times had she told her parents that if they were tired of having her around, she would gladly find her own apartment? But being so traditional and conservative, they refused to have move out of their house until she brought home a husband.

“If this goes on, who knows, maybe you might be meeting your future son in-law soon,” Linda said.

Mother and father immediately beamed at her with loud hope written all over their faces.

“It’s a man?” Her father asked.

“What church does he go to?” Her mother asked.
“If you give me permission to go to my room and chat with him for a bit instead of sitting here watching this nonsense, maybe I might tell you everything you need to know about him.”

Her mother quickly got up and walked over to her. She turned her daughter around and with her hands placed over her shoulders from behind, she pushed her in the direction of her bedroom.

Linda was a bundle of smiles as she quickly ran to her room.

“I am sorry mum and dad,” she said as she locked the door of her room behind her. “But there is still no son in-law for you.”

She rushed over to her study table in one corner of the room and turned on the laptop.

“Dear Lord, I hope it’s good news.” She was holding her hands together as if in prayer and tapping her feet on the floor. “Yesu Christu Tata Lesa Santa Maria…please let it be good news,” Linda prayed.

She quickly entered her password and waited anxiously for it to completely reboot. She then opened her Chrome browser and went straight to her Gmail.

The email was right at the top. She clicked on it and it opened.

“Dear Royal Woman,” the email read.

“WELCOME to the Women Only Club…also known as the WOC.” Was the first line in the body of the email.

“You are receiving this email because you showed interest in becoming a member of WOC.” Linda read the contents out loud.

“If you are reading this email, it means that your application for membership was approved by the board and you will soon be assigned a club in your area.”

Linda was beside herself with joy. She got up from her chair and silently screamed with her mouth opened wide as she ran from one corner of the room to the other, her arms waving about excitedly in the air.

“This is the first time that the club has extended invitation to all women out there after receiving numerous applications from women folk that had somehow heard about the secret club and implored us to let them join.” She continued reading.

“Please be advised that since the launch of subsidiary clubs everywhere around the country, the original Club WO in Lusaka will from this day forward be considered the headquarters of WOC and it’s members will take up top control positions before anyone else from the franchise clubs is given the opportunity to lead in a specific role be it nationally or locally. This and other information will be communicated to you in the very near future.

Please be reminded that you are legally bound by the contract you signed when you first applied to the club to keep ALL WOC activities (these being words spoken and actions performed) a secret from anyone whose not a registered member.

This means that you will not under any circumstance divulge any information whatsoever concerning the activities taking place within the club to anyone whose not a confirmed member of WOC. A package will be sent to you on how to identify registered members of WOC once you’ve reconfirmed your commitment to the club.

There are other documents available for you to help you familiarize yourself with the activities of the club but these will only be sent to you once you download the file named WOC Membership and fill in your details regarding your name, signature, ID information (Passport/NRC) and date in the spaces provided to reconfirm your commitment to WOC.

Below is a sample of a section of that document you will need to download, fill in, scan and send back to us. Once we’ve confirmed receipt of your signed documents, we will immediately send you the rest of the documents.”

Linda quickly schemed through the sample;
I, ……………………………………………………… of ID number …………………………… do hereby declare that I will NOT under any circumstance divulge information being provided or exchanged during WOC meetings or gatherings; that I will strive to keep the integrity of the club by treating my sisters with the same kind of love I would like to receive from them, and that for any actions on my part that might prove contrary to this agreement, I will humbly accept the decision by the WOC board to either give punishment or terminate my membership.

Signature: ……………………………………………..

Date: …………………………………………………….

Welcome to the Royal Family,
The Chairlady,

Lady January.

And the email ended.

Linda quickly opened the document, printed it out and proceeded to fill it in. She then scanned it and emailed it back.

Then she waited.

A response came immediately after ten minutes.

Dear Royal Woman,

Thank you very much for reconfirming your commitment to WOC.

Find attached all the necessary material and feel free to contact any member of WOC from headquarters if you have any questions or querries. A list of their contact details has been provided. However, please note that there are rules and regulations to follow regarding the private contact of WOC members. Go through the file titled Contacts.

You can start by going through the document entitled Welcome to WOC as it will help you to easily understand the rest of the documents attached.

Once again, welcome to WOC.

Communications Manager,

Lady October
Linda made no hesitations. She opened the Welcoming file and settled back against the chair to read.
Brief Background

Club WO was launched in 2010 by a group of twelve women coming from all walks of life. The club was formed as a means of fostering and protecting the bonds of sisterhood. In a world were women are raised to think of each other as rivals fighting for the admiration of the male folk, to gossip, to slander, to shame, and to look down on each other, as the women of WOC, we decided to create for ourselves a club in which we would find solace, comfort, friendship, sisterhood, and strength, a group meant to uplift and to empower…and of course we still gossip, fight, have misunderstandings, you know, the usual sibling drama.

Fortunately, we have more good times than bad and when the bad comes, we stick together and weather the storms together. We cry, we laugh, and we eat together. For the five years since the club’s inception, we have not lost any member. We have learnt to accept the fact that we all have different personalities and come from different backgrounds…that no matter how many differences we have, our aim is not to condemn but to uplift so we can all become better women.

Having said that, as WOC, we are more than just a group of women who meet every last Sunday afternnon of every month to gossip. Before we are anything else; woman, mother, girlfriend, housewife, sidechick, widow, career women, and so on, we are human. The club exists not to judge, but to empower and to uplift, to educate and to be educated. Don’t you think that it is a great feeling to walk the streets of the earth knowing that you have sisters somewhere that have your back at any time of the day or year?

Because we have twelve original members of the club (founders), we decided to name each member after a month of the year. The number twelve is not by design, it just turned out like that. Thus, instead of addressing each other by our real names, we use code names such as Lady January, Lady February, Lady December…just like that. Althought we use our real names during Club meetings and other gatherings, the use of code names helps us to easily discuss emergency pressing issues that might arise when we are out in public or in the presence of our loved ones. This way, anyone listening in will have no idea who or what we are talking about.

It is up to members from your local teams to decide how you wish to address each other but in order to avoid ambiguity, it would be better for franchise clubs to use names that might differentiate them from other local clubs. As a board, there were a few suggestions to inspire your names, such as trees or herbs and these could be Eucalyptus, Sage, Palm, etc or names of fruits – orange, Mango, Lemon but it is still up to you to decide.

Because you are very new members, it was decided by the board that it would be best if you were introduced to all the founding members so that you can learn about who they are, their stories, and our general interruptions during formal meetings or just gatherings outside the headquarters so you can have an idea of how to go about your business in your local clubs.

Press ‘Play’ on the video link below and follow the Chairlady Lady January as she introduces you to the rest of the royal family at the headquaters.

* * *

Linda played the video.

“Hi!” greeted the forty year old woman pointing the camera in her hnd at herself as she waves with her other free hand.

“My name is Lady January and I am the Chairperson of WOC speaking to you from headquarters, very pleased to meet you,” She said with a smile on her face.

“As you can see,” she was pointing the camera to the rest of the room she was standing in; an expensively furnished and medieval French-themed interior with glass walls everywhere.

“This is how the WOC headquarters looks like inside,” the equally impeccably dressed woman said. “Of course I cannot tell you where this place is but just know that it is somewhere in Lusaka.” She laughed.

She then paused to zoom in on a group of women sitting outside on the terrace on a round table with wine bottles and glasses spread out.

“Now there’s the rest of the royal family,” she said and started heading in their direction. The ladies immediately spotted her and waved at the camera with smiles on their faces.

Lady January opened the door leading to the terrace and stepped outside. “Say hi to the new members Your Highnesses,” she told her group and they all chorused, “Hi!”

Turning the camera back at herself, she said, “these ladies here are what make up your board here at headquarters. Although you don’t have the previlige of knowing who is who, at least you can take comfort in knowing that I am Lady January your Chairperson. As for the rest of the members, you will familiarize yourself with them through their stories that have been posted on the forum.”

“Do you need me to hold the camera for you?” One of the members asked the chairlady.

“Oh, thank God. Yes, here,” she handed her the camera. “The idea of putting those stories there is because we want everyone to know that you are not alone, that your problems are not unique and that it’s possible to overcome certain challenges that might seem impossible if we have the right people around us, the kind that genuinely care about us.

“I therefore welcome you to the Women Only Club and if you have any questions for us, please feel free to email us. The documents that have been sent to you contain information on how to contact your local WOC’s. You’ve lready been assigned a group according to the address you provided in your application letter but if there are any changes that have taken place, don’t hesitate to contact us. Have a great week ahead and God bless you all.”

And the clip ended.

Linda was so excited to have met the women of WOC and she could not wait to read their stories. She went to the Stories Menu and a glossary of titles appeared;

Lady January – The Married Single
Lady February – The Ambassador of Death
Lady March – Ms Aftermath
Lady April – The Gullible Mrs
Lady May – The Sneeze Lover
Lady June – The Womb Whisperer
Lady July – The Wind Navigator
Lady August – A Voice from the Ancestors
Lady Septemeber – Mother Theresa
Lady October – The Perfectionist
Lady November – The Licenced Trump
Lady December – A Glimpse of Heaven

* * *

WOC Headquarters

“Don’t you think that we should put an age limit or something?” Sandra asked the group of ladies seated with her around the table.

“Why do we need an age limit?” Rose asked. “The club is for all women, it doesn’t matter what size, color or height.”

“But we have have an age limit ladies,” Isabelle provided, pausing whatever she was typing on her laptop. “25 years and above, isn’t that an age limit?” She asked.

“That’s not what I mean Lady Perfectionist,” Sandra argued. “I mean, like from age 25 to something…say, 50? Now that more clubs are going to be formed, I don’t want to bump into my mother in the forum. Imagine her reading our stories on the forum…she would definitely know that I am Ms Aftermath!”

“Oooh yeah,” Namkolo agreed. “I forgot about that. I certainly don’t want to bump into my mother in-law on the forum. I wrote all sorts of things about her there. It’s enough that she still buys boxers for my husband and insists on cooking for him whenever she visits. Oh yeah, she will definitely know that I am The Ancestor if she ever reads that.”

“You guys,” Ziji the chair lady chipped in. “Have you forgotten that we are the only ones with the power to decide who we let into the club? If the small clubs have people to recommend, they were given specific instructions to send all names to Lady October. It’s up to us to evaluate them and see if they qualify or not. Isn’t that right Sandra?”

Sandra nodded. “I don’t think we will have a problem identifying and evaluating potential members since we have the almighty computer genius in our midst. No one can beat the Licenced Trump when it comes to tracking down people.”

“I don’t think I will have time to do all this ladies,” Monde said. “Now that the members are too….”

“Get over yourself LT,” Kandi cut her friend off. “If you have time to get nailed by a married man, then you find time to do some work for your sisters.”

Kasapo gaped at her friend in horror. “That’s not a very kind thing to say to your sister Lady May.”

Kandi scoffed. “Was waiting for that Mary Magdalene.” She said sarcastically. “Calm your ovaries down, we are not at a Bible study.”

“You are one to judge Lady May.” Ziji said. “How many times have we talked about this kind of thing?”

“Besides, Monde already told us that she left that married man.” It was Naomi’s turn to talk.

Kandi scoffed again. Being the youngest in the group at age 26, Lady May was the most outspoken and never missed an opportunity to speak her mind. “I guess there’s a reason they call you Mrs Gullible after all,” she remarked under her breath but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

“You are the one that gave me that name!” Naomi sulked.

Lady May laughed, “Oh yeah, I was the one,” she said in her hoarse voice, still laughing. “But all of you guys named me the Sneeze Lover…and that’s worse than your name so chilax old lady,” she told the forty year old Lady April.

And why are you so quite today Silvia?” The chair lady asked the usually vocal thirty-eight year old.

Silvia laughed softly. “I was just waiting for the others to finish talking Ziji.” She calmly said.

“No,” Kandi said. “She is just waiting for everyone to finish talking so she can go home and offload to anyone willing or unwilling to hear. You already have two strikes against you dear Wind Navigator, blew your air one more and you are out.” She made a throat-slitting gesture at her.

“When will you ever grow up Lady May?” Silvia asked.

“Maybe when you stop gossiping Madam Wind,” she deliberately stressed her friend’s nickname.

“What time is it?” The skiniest woman in the room asked. For a thirty-nine year old, Lady Beenzu had the frame of a fifteen year old and if not for her grandmother sense of style, she could easily pass for a teenager at any given time.

“It’s only 3 pm Beenzu,” Lady Tina said, looking at her watch. “You are worried about that village of yours you left home aren’t you? This is what we were talking about the other day. I hope you’ve closed your factory now. Nine children at your age and in this time and era sure….” she was shaking her head slowly. “You will run mad.

“And I am going to tell you the same thing I’ve told you several times before; it is not a bad thing to have a lot of children if you can afford to take care of them.”

Rose was shaking her head in disagreement. “Maybe you can take care of them, but whose taking care of you Beenzu? Just look at you, you look like you havent showered in a year.”

Kasapo was about to say something to Rose but Kandi leaned forward towards her and gestered for her to zip it. “Beenzu needs to hear this,” she said.

“If we are going to talk about my issues,” Beenzu said. “How about we talk about the fact that Kandi is already thinking about dumping Russel?”

“Oh no you didn’t,” Kandi glared at her friend.

“Beenzu is right,” Namkolo chipped in. “Kandi loves to point fingers at others but she forgets she’s got her own issues as well.”

“Okay, I admit, I have issues too…deep deep ones,” she said. “However, unlike you ladies, I am aware of my issues. Besides, I have a dame good reason as to why I want to leave that guy.”

Ziji coughed. “How come it’s always them with the problem and never you Kandi?”

“I am telling you!” Kandi protested. “This time I am really innocent…”

“I like Russel,” Isabelle said. “He is a very beautiful man and he looks kind, better than the men you’ve dated over the years. If my husband was even half as handsome as your Russel, I would be having fifty organism in a day instead of the six that ugly ass of his gives me.”

Kandi laughed. “If you only knew,” she said. “He might have the looks of Idris Alba but he has a Kanye West attitude in bed.”

“Here we go again,” Kasapo complained. “Is there any man out there that can satisfy you Kandi?”

“Oh shut up heavenly being,” Kandi retorted. “You guys call me the Sneeze lover but I think that title should go to Russel. That man is the most selfish lover I have ever come across. He makes sneeze love…there you are all ready to land on the moon when the dame fool just falls dead on top of you, panting, sweating and smiling like a fool. It’s always like this. There’s never been a time I ‘arrived’ from the time I started dating him and it’s already been four months.” She made quotation marks in the air.

“Have you spoke to him about it?” Ziji asked.

“Hell no! Then I will seem needy, Kandi is no needy woman. I have my pride too. That’s why I am just thinking about dumping his ass. We’ve stayed this long because I like his face and body but that’s just not enought.”

“Wait,” Isabelle held her hand out. “We have our first reader!” She announced to the group. Everyone gathered around the computer.

“Who is it?” Rose asked.

“Someone named Linda,” Isabelle answered. “I think she’s going to read your story Sandra.”

* * *

Tina went over the list of stories on the forum for the umpteeth time, unable to settle for one. They all seemed interesting to her. She read out the titles hoping to hear one that might stand out to her.

Lady January – The Married Single
Lady February – The Ambassador of Death
Lady March – Ms Aftermath
Lady April – The Gullible Mrs
Lady May – The Sneeze Lover
Lady June – The Womb Whisperer
Lady July – The Wind Navigator
Lady August – A Voice from the Ancestors
Lady Septemeber – Mother Theresa
Lady October – The Perfectionist
Lady November – The Licenced Trump
Lady December – A Glimpse of Heaven

“Lady March,” she said after a long pause and clicked on it;

Lady March: Ms Aftermath

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11 thoughts on “The Women Only Club – Chapter One”

    1. Hi DosYani. Thank you for your reviews. I did state in my bio that I am a feminist and it is stated within this very text thats this story is for women only. I was hoping that the title would be suggestive enough but obviously…. however, I do find it flattering that a man went ahead and read the whole thing despite the title. So thanks for that.

      Like

  1. this and her forgotten daughter will definately keep me busy these coming days…. can’t wait to hear ms aftermath’s story anisha…. you are so creative

    Like

  2. 😂 😂 Anisha you too much….kanye west attitude in bed oh welll this one is soo juicy!!Looking forward to the next

    Like

  3. interesting..this one is different…n am looking forward to it….we got a bonus ryt here..two storiz at once..again…thank u😊😊😊…#power_to_the_women.kkkk..

    Like

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