Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction… Or maybe not. 😉
I told the stranger I met yesterday that I was only interested in his body, and nothing else. I think I gave him a mini-stroke.
Let me start from the beginning.
See, I was waiting for someone to pick me up by the roadside, on Great East Road, immédiate turn to your left – into Kalundu right after the Unza Bus Stop. There are 2 benches there and I was sitting at the far end of one.
After waiting for my pick up for over an hour, I decided to make better use of my time by writing my draft novel from my Jotterpad App. Did I mention that am working on my second novel? 😊 This time around it’s a fantasy fiction – a world I’ve weaved together in my head with high-functioning supernatural characters and out of this world settings guaranteed to take your breath away! Imagine if Legend of the Seeker, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones had a baby. That kind of fantasy. So every chance I get, I write on my phone and transfer to my draft on the computer later. That’s what I was doing when Mr Handsome forced me out of my head.
He had actually driven past me, but something about me must have caught his attention because he drove back, parked on the side of the road, and came to chat with me. About 6 foot tall, beautiful smile, with a sense of style that I suspect has helped him get a lot of women out of their clothes faster than you can say “Hail Mary Mother of Jesus.” Confident, gentle, and a very friendly demeanor. I liked him instantly.
I was fascinated by his commitment to drive around a whole block just so he could talk to a random woman sitting alone on a bench by the side of a busy street. When I asked him why he had turned around, he said there was something about my eyes when I looked up at him from my phone that struck a code in him. Truth is, I wasn’t even looking at him when he drove by. 😂 I had just popped up my head for fresh air after being engrossed in my writing for a while.
I did however see him drive by. My mind had taken note of a male figure driving a dark blue car, and that’s it. I saw him, but I also did not see him. The larger part of my brain was busy at work trying to play out the scene I was working on. This is my first time writing about characters with supernatural powers so I was wondering how best to describe a scene where my protagonist warrior is about to kick the asses of an army of twenty men all by herself without the use of her supernatural powers. My body was present in time but my mind was stuck in a whole different world that exists in the pages yet to be published. So I told Mr Handsome a bit about this and he seemed absolutely fascinated.
We chatted for what felt like a very long time because my appointment was unapologetically super late. I got to know Mr Handsome a little more and I discovered he is on the market for a wife. “I’m divorced,” I told him. He said, “So what?” I said, “that means I know beyond reasonable doubt that am not what or who you’re looking for.”
See, I had gathered a few facts about Mr Handsome from our intimate conversation. I must confess that his looks had a lot to do with how receptive I was to him. I wanted him, but not in the sense that most good women desire men. Mine was carnal… feral at most. A deep seeted need to explore his anatomy in a way no other woman has ever done. That’s it. A husband? No. I no longer desire the bliss of holy matrimony. And I made my intentions clear to Mr Handsome. Some people find fulfillment in that, and I lived my share of it once and that’s gonna last me a lifetime. I was however, interested in Mr Handsome in a whole other sense. 😉
“Just because I do not wish to be yours or anyone’s wife does not mean I don’t desire you. I would love to have sex with you.” I think he chocked on his saliva. No, I tell a lie. He actually coughed out minute parts of his aorta before he spasmed back to normalcy. I couldn’t blame the poor bloke. I had shocked all the 5,976 wet dreams he had had at the tender age of eleven out of the 37 year old adult he now is.
He must have been working under the assumption that I was a good girl. I did after all tell him that I had divorced a seemingly rich fella I was once enamored with on the grounds of infidelity. To him I was a beautiful, loyal, intelligent, ambitious, and respectable woman. Which I am. But I am also more. I am also wise. My mother would disagree of course, as would my pastor. But life has made me this way. What can I say? 🤷🏽♀️
I no longer have the desire to find Mr Right. In my world he does not exist. So I stopped hoping to accidentally bump into one or turn someone’s son into that. It is not perfection I seek from a man, rather, it is a man of high integrity, loyalty, respect, and one of a liberal-radical mind I desire. This man does not exist. And if he does, he probably resides in a part of the world I have no access to. Yet.
So I stopped expecting or hoping. I simply came to terms with the idea of me being destined for a single life. Perhaps this is my calling. Single and happy, but with moments of loneliness here and there. That means I have needs, physical needs. And for these to be met, I need a man. Just not the whole man. I want specific parts of him I can devour and then send him back to either his mother or the streets where he can find a good woman willing to pray for his default ‘weaknesses’ which he himself has embraced as part of his ‘nature’. Who am I to fight demons of nature when the subject finds in them the very essence of his manliness? Thou shall not fight losing battles. Ah-ah.
I apologized for shocking Mr Handsome and asked if he was alright. “Do you make this offer to every man you meet?” He asked. “No,” I said. “I just know a good one when I see one.”
“A good one?” He croaked.
The poor man. “I have little to no faith in men,” I told him. “However, it’s rare that I find one who is both pleasing to the eye and sounds intelligent to boot. I can go for three straight years without sex but I need six months of good sex to relieve myself. I have tested this theory and it seems to work.”
Mr Handsome was utterly shocked but he managed to respond with a bemused expression on his face,” you are very serious with this.” It sounded more like a question than mere statement of observation. I just wasn’t sure if it was rhetoric or not.
I said that “as a matter of fact I am” and I pressed on with my proposition. “Sign a contract with me,” I implored. “For six months, just you and me, no one else. After that, we go our separate ways. No strings attached.”
He appeared to give my proposition consideration. Then he laughed, a throaty laugh that had my fallopian tubes standing at attention.
“Wow,” he said. It was the way he said it that stood out for me. His voice projection and intonation told me that he was seriously conflicted. That meant I had a chance. He was one step away from being drawn to the dark side. 😈😁
“Can I think about this?” He asked.
“Sure, of course. Take all the time you need.” I have not even clocked two years of celibacy yet so yes baby, take all the time you need!
We exchanged numbers, said our farewells and he left me waiting on the bench. My appointment showed up an hour later on good-ol-Zambian time. 🙄
Three minutes to midnight, I received a call from Mr Handsome. He sounded exactly as imagined he would at that ungodly hour. Intoxicatingly sexy. “Did I wake you up?” He asked.
He didn’t. I am a writer. We are the witches of the night all up in this shneeznis. 😉
“What you said before, were you serious, or was that some kind of test?” Bless his soul. Oooooh.
“As serious as the shock you felt when I said what I said,” I laughed.
He laughed too, and then we joked about what a weirdo I am and how he couldn’t get me off his mind the rest of the day. See, I told you, one step away from the dark side. 🤠
He then asked about my latest book and I told him that the working title is Diamante’s Bride, but it might change later. It’s set in a fictitious world and is about a woman who, after years of trying to circumvent her destiny finally decides to confront it and in the end unlocks supernatural parts of herself that allow her to save all the three kingdoms that exist in this fictional universe from the wrath of God.
Mr Handsome is looking forward to reading my book. I hope you are too! Now, about whether he took me up on my proposition or not….
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