Tag Archives: deja-vu

I’m Probably Gonna Burn Again

Am I the only one that sometimes finds herself wishing that life had some sort of manual? I mean, something of sorts detailing everything we ought to do if ever a certain situation presented itself before us.

For those that have hit rock bottom before and bore the brunt of life’s gruesome huddle at some point, I am sure you know what am talking about. If you picked yourself up and looked life in the face like a champion, then you probably started to look at life with renewed eyes.

Now you know exactly what you want from life. Your career, your lifestyle, ambitions, aspirations, your relationships, love, friendships, and basically the direction you want your life to take henceforth. I am exactly here…at this point in my life.

I know exactly what I want. Some of it is stuff made of genius and some of it has me shaking my own head in wonder. I know what I want. Dear God….I know. But what if it all starts to feel like deja-vu? Boy I certainly could use a manual!

Ever found yourself in a situation that made you pause to wonder? You look at the all-so-familiar scene and you feel like you’ve been here before? And because you’ve been here before you know how things are likely to go down. You play in your head all the possible scenarios. And then you feel it, ever so slowly. A shiver going down your spine.

You’ve played the moment over and over in your head and you know you gonna look back in time to this very moment. It’s a foreshadowing of some sort. You see the fire burning and yet you walk right through it. You know you WILL…MIGHT burn but in that moment you don’t care. The future you is telling you that you gonna look back at this very moment and chew yourself out for not listening to your gut.

Yet still, you walk through the fire.

Wishing and hoping you’re doing the right thing.

I have found myself taking risks recently. For the first time I want to experience life my way…by my own terms…without seeking another’s approval or permission. It’s an exhilarating feeling. There are things I want to do, to pursue. Very bold and daring decisions…but they also sound ridiculous. Risky.

See, I have been burnt by life before. What if I find myself back at square one, again? This fear of the unknown in me is an obvious product of my experiences. Though healed, the scars keep reminding me of the pain and in real time I experience it all over again. It’s all in my head.

Or is it?

Oh dear life…you truly know how to suck the life out of people don’t ya? Am probably gonna burn, again, won’t I?

Except, this time around, am carrying a bloody fire extinguisher with me!

#cheers to the known-unknown future folks! 🍻🥂

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